||[Sep. 30th, 2007|11:09 am]
|||||Gomez - Get Miles||]|
Watching a lot of House, halfway into the second season. Work is fine, money's okay, turns out I won't have to find a new roommate, but I need to pick up a second job or the next sudden expense is going to make me look stupid. Hurt my back at work last night, but not real bad, but I won't know if I'm going to the doctor or not until I go back to work on Monday. I've spent the last two months richocheting from sleeping five hours a night to twelve and back again and I can't control it, but I can deal with it until I can get to a psych or a specialist. The REAL issue is that I'm having serious trouble holding interest in anything that requires conscious thought. I can unload trailers for five hours, but I can't read books, or play video games, or maintain relationships: I broke up with the Cute Girl Two Docks Down AND the Boy With Freckles I Met at Roller Derby for the same reason. We'd been going out for two weeks and I was sick of it. Not THEM. I liked THEM. Cute Girl took ME on the first date to a burlesque show/fetish show/roller derby demo and it was GREAT. It was fantastic, she is great, but one day I started looking at her name on my cell when it was ringing and I just kept thinking, "Oh, hell, I don't want to do this." And then, a week later, and we broke up, and now it's really weird because she has to walk by my dock every day, and I'm thinking, "Oh wait, that's what I wanted all along," and now everything is all FUBAR.
I feel like I'm paralyzed in the long term, I NEED to go back to school next year, especially since UPS will cover it, but I'm terrified I'll flip out like I did my second semester at Meramec where it was, I could not take sitting behind a desk anymore. Time slowed down and everything was hell, and now I'm all freaked out about it, which is kind of funny, because I hit my real low earlier in the week and I'm usually okay pretty soon afterwards. Whatever, I dunno. I need to get back to sleep. I stopped writing this five different times without realizing it, suddenly I was just flicking through boingboing or neatorama and I'd just snap out of it, what was I doing, oh right, freaking out. OH RIGHT.